Wet Shaving is Complicated - Is it Worth it?

For some of you, you may not know what Wet Shaving is at all... I know I didn't. Not that long ago, every man (and maybe a few women) shaved in this way, but electric shavers and quick disposable razors have all but eliminated this nostalgic art. (I snickered as I saw the latest Bond movie and saw what society may picture as the iconic male - wet shaving in his hotel room). I was very curious about wet shaving, and felt it would be a good 'manly' thing to try. After all, if my grandfather did it, I feel it would be a good thing to know how to do... My wife got me a shaving kit for Christmas, complete with a shaving brush, shaving soap and aftershave (see below). The problem was I had no idea what I was doing.

I went online and spent hours of research (literally) looking at razors and watching countless YouTube videos trying to figure out how to do it. I bought myself what some reviewers consider the Cadillac of double edge razors, the Edwin Jagger DE89. I love it! It is heavy, brilliantly shiny, and good quality.

After several months and even more hours on YouTube and other sites, I am still struggling to figure out what kinds of products to use. There are a lot of methods and seemingly millions of creams/soaps/discs to use in a variety of bowls/scuttles and other methods of lathering. Everyone has their own opinion of what works best, and it is certainly overwhelming.

So after all the hassle, why do I keep trying? Well first, I bought a $40 razor (which of course I will likely be able to pass down to my son). Another reason as I noted above, is there is something nostalgic in shaving in this manner... sure it takes longer than using a Gillette Mach Whatever in the shower or sink, but I don't think that's always a bad thing. Am I 'wet shaving' every day? goodness no... maybe some day I will. Overall, the products smell great, it's a few intentional minutes I have to myself (I've even put on my Cool Jazz station on my iPhone's Pandora app a couple times), and the shave is INCREDIBLY close - leaving my skin feeling awesome! I am certainly still learning, and question whether the products I am using are the right kind. I am going to try what I see as the consensus of articles and reviews deems the best overall brand - Proraso Shaving Cream (there's a whole line of products shown here). I'll let you know how it goes.

For those of interested in wet shaving, I have included a few blog posts that originally peaked my interest and gave me a good deal of beginner info. Also, anyone willing to offer some tips, please don't hesitate!

Art of Manliness - Learn How To Shave Like Your Grandpa

Badger and Blade - The Art of Wet Shaving

Shave Blog - How to Shave

Wear the Pants!

I have spent a great deal of time lately looking at other 'manly' blogs, trying to find sites that call men into manhood, that train men how to take up spiritual arms, that encourage men to get off the side lines and into the game. There are a few that I have found that are truly encouraging, but not as many as I would have expected. In my searching, I came across a post someone did based on a Docker's print ad which was truly shocking. Docker's gets the truth that men are absent from our society, and they make pretty bold claims in this ad. Now, certainly they use humor alongside the truth or it would be a public service announcement and not a promotion to sell khakis. But don't miss the forest for the trees... there are some crazy statements in this thing. Here is the ad, and I have typed out the text below in case you can't read the image.

"Once upon a time, Men wore the pants, and wore them well. Women rarely had to open doors and little old ladies never crossed the street alone. Men took charge because that's what they did. But somewhere along the way, the world decided it no longer needed men. Disco by disco, latte by foamy non-fat latte, men were stripped of their khakis and left stranded on the road between boyhood and androgyny. But today, there are questions our genderless society has no answers for. The world sits idly by as cities crumble, children misbehave, and those little old ladies remain on one side of the street. For the first time since bad guys, we need heroes. We need grown-ups. We need men to put down the plastic fork, step away from the salad bar and untie the world from the tracks of complacency. It's time to get your hands dirty. It's time to answer the call of manhood. It's time to Wear The Pants."

The statements that really stood out to me were:
 - But somewhere along the way, the world decided it no longer needed men.
 - Today, there are questions our genderless society has no answers for.
 - For the first time since bad guys, we need heroes. We need grown-ups.
 - We need men to ... untie the world from the tracks of complacency. (the joke here about the salad bar really takes away the impact of the truth in this statement, so I took it out for this purpose)

Even now, after reading it over and over, I am stunned at the truths in this paragraph. Where are the men? Even Dockers recognizes the trouble in our society. They are right on... It's Time to Answer the Call of Manhood. We need to take initiative, to speak truth, to walk humbly and wisely, to be active and not passive. We need to wear the pants... even if they aren't khakis.

Seen, Known, Loved

There is much on my heart to write about, but one thing from this weekend really impacted me and I felt it was important to write a post about my experience. A few weeks ago, I attended a men's retreat called Top Gun, facilitated by Zoweh Ministries, and the experience was amazing. I couldn't have anticipated the impact it would/has had on my life and I am sure there will be much more to come about what I have learned. One thing we discussed at the retreat was the importance of the heart. The main speaker, Michael Thompson, drew out a line of thinking, saying we as humans all want to be seen, known, and loved. More specifically, We want to See and be Seen, Know and be Known, Love and be Loved. We explored how this truth is apparent not only in all human hearts, but specifically in the lives of females.

We went to my parents this weekend to celebrate Mother's Day and to meet my new little niece, who is only two weeks old. My sister also has a three year old daughter, who was the main actress in the little drama that unfolded this weekend. Periodically, she would come out of her room with a flowing Ariel princess dress, large pink plastic heels and a elastic tiara on her head. She would glide into the room, beaming, and would just wait for everyone to see her.
She wanted to be beautiful.
She wanted every one to see her.
She wanted people to give her attention.
This struck me in such a new way, as if for the first time, I had 'eyes to see and ears to hear' what was really happening. This was my niece's heart on display for our family. She wanted to be seen, known and loved.

Throughout the weekend I became increasingly aware of how prevalent this desire was and how it played out in her life. I think we have all been around those kids who yell out "watch me" over and over until someone responds... sometimes out of frustration (as I know I have) and sometimes out of love. This desire is something we were created with, not something we learn. Our society however 'un-trains' little ones to be less and less vocal about that desire - so we become manipulative in an effort to still get that desire met. In the garden of Eden, we were created to be seen, known and loved by God. When sin entered into the world and we were evicted from the presence of God as it were, that created desire remained, leaving a longing we try and fill with so many things.

When a little girl wants to put on the princess dress, the tutu, the tiara, how do we typically respond? Are we quick to tell them they need to change? Goodness knows we can't go in public like that! What would people think? The point isn't that you should let your daughter wear a tutu 24/7, but it is however, that if we don't pay attention, we lose the opportunity to speak into their hearts the truth that they are beautiful, that they are seen, known and loved for who they are.

If you look for it, you will see it - in your wife's life, your girlfriend's life, you daughter's life. They are looking for it from you. You have the chance to speak into their heart and help them feel these things. I admit I often miss the opportunities to do this with my own wife. Not to make excuses, but I don't feel like I had 'eyes to see' this before now. By the grace of God, I am finally aware of it after half a decade of marriage. This applies to our hearts as men too, but maybe I will save that for another post?

I challenge you to do something this week that lets your spouse/girlfriend/daughter know that they are seen, known, and loved. Maybe you make an effort to tell her she looks beautiful in a certain outfit... maybe you leave a note in her car or in her room telling her that you are thankful for her... maybe you let your daughter wear the princess outfit to McDonalds for a dad/daughter date or dance with her in the living room... don't miss the opportunities to speak truth into the hearts of the women in our lives. It is one of our most important roles as men...

Courage

When we see epic movies (i.e. Lord of the Rings, Batman, Band of Brothers, etc.) one of the things that make them so powerful is the main characters in the films. On some level we compare and contrast the leading characters with ourselves - would I do that? would I go after that bad guy? would I fight for the woman I love? would I stand up for what is right and just? would I uphold my family's honor? These and other questions are played out in countless movies, plays and stories. The journey that the characters take is a journey which intrigues us, hooks us, and pulls us along with them.

I think one of the pervasive (although sometimes unnoticed) characteristics that is interwoven in the great stories is Courage. Life takes so much courage... Scene by scene, we see courage played out for us on the big screen: Bilbo takes the first step out the door, Bruce Wayne suits up once again fighting on two fronts - against the evil in Gotham City and the misguided beliefs of its citizens believing him to be a menace, then we see soldiers jump out of airplanes, raid enemy camps, lead patrols, we  see knights ride into battle with their swords drawn... Courage is Epic. Is your life epic? Do you feel you exemplify courage in your life? I admit that I don't often feel this way... and yet I long for it, don't you?

For me I am learning that courage is displayed in so many small things of my life. I may not charge the enemy mounted on a horse weighted down by 100 pounds of chain mail and armor, but that doesn't' mean I am not called to be courageous where I am. For me it takes courage to lead my wife in spiritual discussions, pray with and for her and my son, confront her when she is believing lies about herself, apologize and ask for forgiveness when I am an idiot, challenge someone in sin, share my faith, speak a word of truth in a difficult situation, trust God with my finances, own up to my mistakes, open up to someone new and share my story, take a look at myself and how selfish I really am... the list could go on and on... Courage is something I do need a lot of, and the important stuff in life often doesn't come easily.

I mentioned a few posts ago that I have been going to outpatient counseling to help work through some of my core beliefs. Each time I would go, or when I found myself facing the belief which was so powerful in my heart and mind... I felt the Holy Spirit speak this word to my soul - "courage". This became my mantra when I was faced with the ugly truth about my heart - "courage". I continued to feel the Spirit speak this word to me when I disputed lies, shared openly with my counselor or tried something new. One night in bed, my wife and I were talking about all the potential changes we faced this year and she said to me she had been thinking of a theme for our year... She said she thought it should be "courage" - my jaw dropped and I literally burst into tears. I told her how I had been using this word as a theme for my own journey and the Spirit had really impressed it upon my heart. We laughed and cried together about how the Lord does this stuff in our life.

I encourage you to take a look at your own life and see where you could try and show a bit more courage. Ask the Lord for strength. It is often the things in life of eternal significance that take the most courage.

Perspective

I just wanted to comment on something I have spent a great deal of time thinking about. I realize that my journey is unique to me, and in my attempts to share where I have struggled, grown and changed, I do not wish to negate others' difficulties or challenges. I know that for some, a relationship with their father is unlikely, either due to their father passing away, or through a stubborn attitude unwilling to mend (or build) that relationship. My last post seemed fairly harsh towards my father, and it may have come across as 'Woe is Me" because my dad let me down as a child. I am thankful of the relationship we are building now and wanted you to know I am sensitive to the possiblility of it offending others. I commit to share candidly my journey, in hopes that there are some it does impact, encourage and challenge. Maybe someone can relate to me and will find encouragement to press on towards securing/recapturing their own masculinity.

Being Let Down... Part of My Own Journey

I was looking forward to a weekend with my Dad and a few of his friends. My bags were packed and I was ready to set out. What could be better than camping in the woods with a fire, steak, guns, and a couple of beers, right? So tell me why I left Sunday feeling empty and weighed down?

I don't think it's because I didn't have a great time... I don't think it's because I didn't enjoy hanging out with my dad... I don't think it's because I had paperwork waiting for me when I got home... I think I was reminded once again that I didn't fit the world's mold concerning manliness, and I left feeling discouraged.

In Gordon Dalbey's book, Healing the Masculine Soul (probably my all time-favorite and the most influential book of my life), he makes the claim that men bestow masculinity on other men. The father's role is so critical in his young son's life, and in homes where the father doesn't bestow this vital attribute on his son (either through physical or emotional absence), he leaves behind in the wake a displaced and broken son. Now, those sons can find ways to seek out masculinity and some have success, but it is a difficult road. Some overcompensate for their undeveloped or confused masculine identity, hiding the insecurities they bury inside. The truth is there is usually a wound there... This was me...

I physically had my father in my home, but for some reason, we didn't connect when I was growing up... or at least not in the masculine-bestowing, important ways. I guess I was a mama's boy - more emotional and creative, empathetic, always trying to befriend those who were outcasts, and trying to put an end to arguments or disputes. The truth is I was hurt. I searched for masculinity and found it foreign and in some ways undesirable. I tried to do things to make my dad proud of me... I tried hunting, fishing, golf, soccer, getting good grades... none of these things mended that relationship or brought me fulfillment or success. I have a lot of memories of feeling hurt and left out... one is still so vivid I still feel like that little kid...

I was probably 11, and we were at our family's cabin (not really a cabin, but we called it that). I grew up shooting .22 rifles at beer and soda cans, and that day I was going to shoot the big gun - my dad's .410 shotgun. I was bundled up in layers upon layers, wearing a big heavy coat... I was filled with anticipation. I was scared... but I wanted to be a man, and I wanted my dad to be proud of me. I pulled the trigger... the sound and the kick the gun produced really scared me... I started crying... my dad waved me off as if to say I was worthless, then turned around and walked away. I felt worthless... I felt like a failure... (hello core belief) I continued crying and ran inside to my mom... That is the only time I have ever shot a .410. It was only last year that I shot another shotgun, and I will be 29 this year.

I am still dealing with that loss today - and it is a loss.

About 10 years ago, after reading Dalbey's book, I felt I needed to confront my dad about his lack of involvement, and his failure to call me into manhood and instill confidence in me. I don't know how I ever did it, but I did. I also know how lucky I am that his response wasn't a right hook. We cried... and cried... and hugged, and that moment changed both my life and our relationship. My dad still at times doesn't understand how to call me into manhood, but he is more intentional about telling me how proud he is of me, and we really enjoy connecting by hanging out, working on cars, or sharing a beer or a cigar (all of which I tried in attempts to connect with him).

Fast forward to this weekend... everything was going fine, I was excited but also filled with emotion, as I was driving my granddad's car (he passed away a few months ago) to that same family cabin from the story above. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry... The day went well... we were assessing the cabin to see what needed to be done to fix it up, then we headed back to his friend's property a few hours away to spend the night. Everything was going great, I was really enjoying myself, but then things changed. The more my dad and his friends drank, the more vulgar and crude they got. They pulled out a deck of cards which exploited a different naked girl on each card... I was done. I went to bed. I put ear plugs in but I could still hear pretty much everything they said; I got out my phone and started up a white-noise app, pressing the phone up to my ear - this was how I slept. The next day, something just seemed different... My expectations had been shot to pieces (no pun intended).

When talking through this with a friend, he pointed out I may have subconsciously viewed this as a chance to redeem myself from my experience as an 11 year-old boy. In many ways I feel that I did kind of expect that. I wanted to fit in and be 'one of the guys' but I realized the man I keep trying to be isn't the man I am called to be. When I am not careful, I forget my dad is like me - wounded. Objectively, I can see he was just trying to fit in with his friends, after all this is how he 'did' manliness growing up. I am saddened and hurt for my dad at times like this.

I have edited and read through this countless times... talked about it with my wife and a close friend as I already mentioned. I am sensitive to the fact that this is pretty raw and the last thing I want to do is make my dad out to be the villain. He is NOT the villain. I love my dad and am thankful for all the wonderful things he has taught me. He has modeled honesty, integrity, abundant generosity, and a hard work ethic, to name a few. I know many others did not have their father at all, and to those guys, I hope that this post doesn't make me sound ungrateful that I did have my dad... As I mentioned before, my dad and I have addressed a lot of these things, and so I'm not going behind his back posting stuff about him out of vengeance or anything. I do, however, know that other men have similar experiences and this is my attempt at sharing a raw event which reminded me that when we expect perfection and fulfillment in anyone other than the GodMan, we will be let down.

Was Jesus Manly?

When you close your eyes and think of Jesus what image do you see? (Some may say it is wrong to try and picture Jesus, but personally I don't understand why He would have taken on flesh if it was sinful to try and imagine what he might have looked like.) I ask this question because Jesus is the God-Man, the epitome of deity made flesh. Isn't it right to assume we can look to the person of Jesus to find the truth about manhood and masculinity. Odds are that your image of Jesus doesn't come across as very masculine. Jesus is so misrepresented, it is unlikely many men want to look to the person of Jesus Christ on their journey into manhood. 

I did a Google image search for "Jesus", and got some very interesting results. Here are a few that I found - I feel overall they represent much of what is perceived of Jesus. Below each image, I am adding captions of the characteristics I see about Jesus physical appearance in the paintings.

feminine, flowing locks, rosy cheeks, blue eyes, clean, bored?

blonde hair, pale skin, short beard, blue eyes, European, peaceful, pensive

longing eyes, same weird beard and mustache, long flowing hair, intense, tired

less feminine, long hair and beard, European, bold, intense, caring, proud

angry, unapproachable, intense, still Caucasian

No painting has/can capture our Jesus, but images can certainly lead us astray on what we perceive Him to be. I was able to find (fairly easily) some videos I remember watching in college about the misperceptions of Jesus. It is actually several clips from various movies about Jesus but placed together in one longer video. The second one begins at 3:18, and an interesting part begins at 5:40. These are meant to be comical, but really convey some grave misconceptions about the man Jesus. 

Many people view Jesus as a Caucasian and feminine man, who floated around speaking softly, and rarely showing emotion. He would just reach out ever so calmly and heal someone, or peacefully confront the lack of faith in others... I am sure you could add so many misperceptions to this list.

 So who is Jesus? I think this question is so vital to your soul and mine. I do not think we can grow into the men God created us to be without answering that question. I am understanding that the answer to that question is part of this journey I am on now. 

I was pointed to a book by Philip Yancey entitled, The Jesus I Never Knew. I started reading it a few days ago, and I think it is really amazing. I hope to chronicle a few things I learn from the book as I progress through it. 

We can craft and shape Jesus into the image we want Him to be, or we can look to His Word, primarily the Gospels to see more of Him. Let us not bypass this part of the journey, but take the effort to see what the inspired Word claims about this Jesus.